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Archive for the ‘Professional threats’ Category

Secrets are burdens in a sense because they rest with us, and when they do, we become sentinels who often feel that we are charged with the responsibility to guard the gates of discretion, whether we care to, or not.  Not all secrets are meant to be shared, in fact, most are not.

Secrets if revealed to the wrong person however, can cause all kinds of havoc and can hurt and humiliate people who are generally unaware of the undisclosed information and the impact it could have on their lives. Some people go to their grave harboring secrets, for whatever the reason they know that what they know should be kept “close to their vest” and not shared.

Family members and criminals keep secrets because if others were aware of the truth it might cause them problems.  Secrets that come out of nowhere are the worst, because they shock and throw people’s lives off balance.  It can take years for an unsuspecting person who is the victim of someone else’s secret to recover from the jolt of being told what is “really” happening. 

When a person finally learns that they have been deceived they feel foolish because they have been the object of trickery for such a long time without even realizing it. Usually, what compounds the hurt is that the people that they trusted the most are involved.  They wonder how they could have closed their eyes and ears to what should have been so obvious until it was accidently discovered.    

The best way to avoid being burdened with a secret is to avoid being told one.  If someone attempts to take you into their confidence, decline to be involved.  Secrets are not cheap, they come with a high price tag, and it is a revolving charge, one than can cost more than most of us want to pay.

How to Get Anyone to Reveal a Secret

http://www.bitrebels.com/geek/how-to-keep-a-secret/

How to keep A Secret (Harvard psychologist)

http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2009/07/10/how-to-keep-a-secret-according-to-a-harvard-psychologist/

How to Keep a Secret

http://www.2achieveyourgoals.com/how-to-keep-a-secret/

Strange Real-Life Secrets

http://www.katecoombs.com/strangesecrets.html

  How to Make a Secret Book Hollow

http://how2dostuff.blogspot.com/2006/02/how-to-make-secret-hollow-book.html

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Life can really be rough, especially, during or right after a particularly difficult period we need to recoup.  Trying to go on as usual is not the best strategy because our circumstances change us and we are not the same person as we were before we encountered our trauma.  Many times, we have negative circumstances, and they occur back-to-back and it is while we are going through these tough periods that it really helps to have a plan to keep our wits about us.  

Here is a brief list I have compiled of some things that can help us weather some pretty rough storms when life gets to be a little too much. Pass it on…

  • Take an inventory of your blessings
  • Look beyond the physical – think universally
  • Celebrate the ordinary moments
  • Wake up grateful every morning
  • Retire every night knowing that you have made the most of your day
  • Rely on your curiosity to make your world feel new again
  • Exercise your sense of humor, laugh a lot
  • Make an assessment of the things that you have always said you might like to learn about
  • Think of others who have survived their traumas as instructors at the University of Life
  •  Read stories and listen to audio versions of other survivors
  • Learn as much as possible about positive psychology and then practice it religiously
  • Sketch, draw or paint your emotions on a routine basis
  • Start a picture journal
  • Redecorate
  • Move to an environment that reinvigorates you or visit a place that you find refreshing, often
  • Adopt a pet or foster one
  • Develop a plan to better care for your overall well-being
  • Practice faith, hope and charity
  • Write your memoirs
  • Take up a new hobby
  • Study the theories of philosophers
  • Meditate
  • Exercise both mind and body
  • Spend some solitary time in the midst of nature
  • Pick a topic a week and research it
  • Spend some time as a volunteer
  • Have a private party to honor your presence in this world every single month on the same day as your birthday
  • Learn to sew or knit
  • Build sand castles on the beach
  • Take a new car for a test drive
  • Join a support group – make friends with individuals who share a similar experience to that of your own
  • Have a dinner party and invite people you would like to get to know better
  • Get a massage or practice yoga

Some Other Survival Aids for Times of Trouble

3 Books on the Subject –to provide you with more comfort and some needed Enlightenment!

The Sun Will Shine Again by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.

GratitudeA Way of Life by Louise L. Hay

Something More, Excavating your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach

Laugh at Stress – DVD

http://www.stressstop.com/products/product.php?pid=48

Internet Article –

10 Keystones to Surviving Emotional Trauma

http://chipur.com/2011/03/12/emotional-trauma-10-keystones-of-survival/

Comfort objects for Small Children to the Elderly

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_object

How to stop a Male Midlife Crisis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=devAPyEAuN0&feature=related

Personal Empowerment Let You Bend in Times of Crisis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rT7j0ZIofI&feature=related

Checklist for Hard Times

http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig10/gillespie2.1.1.html

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The whole idea of one-upmanship is to get a person to worry more about their self-image than their interests.  People engage in one-upmanship when they are afraid they are going to lose control. They feel that they do not have the knowledge the skills or the resources to hold their own.

How to recognize one-upmanship –

  • People act as if they are more important than you are
  • More knowledgeable
  • More confident

They Make You Feel –

  • Pushed around
  • Ignored
  • Controlled
  • Put down

What to do –

  • Pause, take a step back AND a couple of deep breaths
  • Regain emotional composure
  • Rise above the situation see it objectively
  • Ask – What is of true importance to me here?

When interests are at stake do this –

  • Evaluate how much time and emotional energy the situation is costing
  • Identify what you see the person doing
  • Explain how the behavior is affecting you
  • Make certain you clarify how it detracts from resolving the situation
  • Don’t engage in a power struggle
  • Encourage attackers to keep on attacking

Most importantly, remember to –

  • Be non-defensive
  • Refuse to participate
  • Reinterpret the attack on you as an attack on the problem
  • Make certain that the person understands you really want to solve the issue
  • Set new ground rules together

 More on This Topic –

Beaten Down Being the Victim of One-upmanship

http://www.1stholistic.com/Reading/liv_beaten-down.htm

Understanding one-upmanship

http://eachofus.com/tips/understanding_one-upmanship.html

For People Who Like to Think for Themselves

http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/unfair_criticism.htm

Positive Office Politics – Rules of Engagement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–Z9yOEH6oQ

Positive Politics at Work, D. Douglas McKenna / Jeffrey J. McHenry ISBN 1-55623-879-7

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 If things go wrong, don’t go with them.  ~Roger Babson, Quotations About Worry.

Worry is not a natural state of mind, concern maybe, but not worry.  Most of us are aware that worrisome events are a regular occurrence in life. None of us are given a pass to escape our problems; we all know that they come at us on a regular basis and that they happen to everyone. The difference between those of us who worry relentlessly about these things, and others who do not, is how we end up processing our individual challenges. Each of us approaches our concerns very differently.  None of us can escape the fallout from our trials and daily tribulations; however, how we go about enduring the inevitable mishaps we are confronted with, is purely optional. 

We worry when we are:

  • Overinvested
  • Underutilized
  • Unprepared
  • Undercompensated
  • Misunderstood
  • Mislead

When our funds are:

  • Low
  • Business is slow
  • When our money is held back
  • And, when our funds are Misappropriated

When we are in the dark about:

  • Where we are going
  • Where we have been
  • How we got to where we are
  • And, how we will get out

When our:

  • Goals seem impossible
  • Our lives appear momentarily tragic
  • thoughts are more negative than positive
  • And, when our lives our careening out of control

When we attempt:

  • To communicate with people with closed minds and hearts
  • To build bridges and nothing is ever cohesive
  • To Balance our compulsively busy lives
  • To mend fences
  • To heal our disappointments and sadness
  • And, when we continue to strive for absolute but impossible to reach perfectionism

Worry is all about “the what-if’s” in life. Albert Ellis the well-known psychologist author of Rational Emotive Therapy, reminded us to be careful not to make mountains out of molehills, in other words, not to focus on the things that we label stressful events and refine them as full-blown catastrophes.  Worry interferes with our natural inclination to be happy and optimistic.  It makes us overreact. If we let it, worry can rob us of the things that make us joyous and prevent us from reclaiming our bliss.

How to Know When we Have Moved beyond Worry

  • When we no longer focus on the attention of others
  • When we begin to feel as if we can share our feelings with those we can trust
  • When we discover that there is a commonality that exists and draws us all together
  • When we are willing to teach as well as learn
  • When we practice mutuality
  • When we educate ourselves about ourselves
  • When we allow ourselves to live in the moment
  • When we refuse to give into the strain of our burdens
  • And basically, when we decide not to turn our backs on our spirit

What Else We Can Look At When Eliminating Worry

Why we Worry

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-we-worry

A Guide to Rational Living – psychologist Albert Ellis , a video – focusing on the three must’s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyRE-78g_z0

Shameless Happiness – How Albert Ellis Created REBT (the view that we take of the events that happen to us)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1hf1NHA0To&feature=related  

Slide Presentation – REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) Core Irrational Beliefs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73hzaaSlNr0&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Step-by-Step System to Stop Worry

http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/98780/0023935.pdf

E-How Health

http://www.ehow.com/how_5358207_stop-being-worry-wart.html

 The Worrywart’s Companion – Learn about the practice of under reacting and a lot more!

http://www.amazon.com/Worrywarts-Companion-Twenty-One-Techniques-Turning/dp/1885171153#reader_1885171153

Welcome to the Quote Garden

http://www.quotegarden.com/worry.html

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As a child I remember my mother was fond of using common phrases that were very trendy in her day. One of her favorites was the term “dirty pool” which basically meant someone had gone behind someone else’s back and deceived them in an indecent manner.  Whenever, I heard her utter these words, I would think, “But there is no honor among thieves, so how could deceptive actions of any sort ever be considered decent?” 

I suppose some people think that the “end justifies the means” but I am not sure if that is always the case. Looking back, I think this is what she must have meant.  If a person’s underhanded actions could somehow be justified then “dirty pool” was definitely ok.  To take her statement further and to dismiss a “wrong” that simply was not “right” she would simply say, “You must take these things with a grain of salt” I took her comments to mean that: number one, whatever dastardly deed had been done, it was accomplished and now not any of my business, and number two, I should not pay attention to all the non-virtuous acts that “not so perfect human beings” participate in if they do not directly affect me personally.  I felt quite differently about these philosophies however, and always chose to object.

“Dirty pool” tricks are usually menacing behaviors that are designed to undermine a person’s confidence and their sense of inner-stability.  I believe what causes people to participate in such shenanigans is if they have an “ax to grind” and somehow, they want to give a person they feel that has done them wrong “a taste of their own medicine.”  These grudge related behaviors sometimes deserve “a mild slap on the wrist” from those who feel as if they have been compromised to a full-blown “out-and-out” attack against them as retaliation.

The best way to avoid finding  ourselves “in the lurch” (in a helpless situation) is to be cautious about our associations and attentive to the way people treat us. Other solutions are: to be conscious of the way we relate to people by treating them in the same way they decide they are going to treat us, an “eye-for-an-eye and a tooth-for-a-tooth” (a biblical saying) which can be referenced in three passages in the Old Testament (Ex. 21:23, 24; Lev. 24:19, 20; and Deut. 19:21) to further drive home the point. A similar law is to be found in the ancient Mesopotamian code of Hammurabi. http://wiki.answers.com

Quotes and sayings give us the opportunity to express our feelings in a manner that is socially acceptable.  In addition they help us work through our challenges without getting hurt because we can let whatever has been done to us “roll right off our back.”  When we include them in our verbal or written communications we develop an instant rapport with someone who is familiar with the same expressions we are using to convey our thoughts.  I would much rather think of a saying such as “dirty pool” as a fond memory, rather than a way of referring to actions intended to cause a person fear or anxiety.  In a way, sayings and quotes are a lot like laughter, they are “good medicine” and they are a tool we can turn to when we are in danger of taking our circumstances too much to heart.

Resources and References –

A Site all About Common Sayings

http://www.idiomsite.com/ 

The Origin of Biblical Sayings

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_origin_and_history_of_’An_eye_for_an_eye_-_A_tooth_for_a_tooth’#ixzz1KBT3V5JD

Self-expression Quotes – the joy of quotes 

http://www.joyofquotes.com/self-expression_quotes.html

Song – We stand to fight

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eD4C2eRQIg

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Every person who has ever had to come out of the starting gate first for or against anything, knows that it is no picnic to be a trail blazer. It looks glamorous in movies and makes a compelling story when one later relays the grueling particulars of his or her experience after writing about them in a bestselling book, but the truth is, that being a pioneer sometimes is not what all that it is cracked up to be. 

 Pioneers take a lot of hits from a lot of saboteurs who like to send them off in all the wrong directions. Innovators are always easy to spot because they are the ones with the arrows in their backs; ambushes always come from behind.

The most difficult thing about being the first at anything is the constant skepticism from others that one must live with incessantly.  It can be very hard when everyone dismisses your intentions as being less than realistic and accuse you of living in a daydream with your head in the clouds just because you have a vision that they cannot yet see.

When all your efforts appear fruitless, and the desire to get others on board with your ideas is nothing short of hopeless, you may ask yourself, what’s the point of going on from here?  When instead of support, it seems as if you are the target of the lowest forms of deception, and it feels as if all those around you are playing the sneakiest of clandestine games, it is not at all unusual to question your near-impossible life’s mission.  At best, you are acutely aware that you are on uncertain footing, and at worst; it’s as if you are chasing a wild goose. 

The term “Wild Goose Chase’ originates way back to Shakespeare’s day, 1592. “A ‘wild goose chase’ was a chase in which horses followed a lead horse at a set distance, mimicking wild geese flying in formation. The equine connection was referred to in another early citation, just ten years after Shakespeare” – Nicholas Breton’s The Mother’s Blessing, 1602. According to the website Phrase Finder “The 1978 film ‘The Wild Geese‘ alluded to this phrase in its title.

The term “Wild Geese” refers back to Irish mercenaries who ‘flew’ from Ireland to serve in various European armies in the 16th to 18th centuries. The plot of the 70’s film involved a group of mercenaries embarking on a near-impossible mission. Of course, the near-impossible is no problem for action heroes and of course; in the film they caught their prey.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPJIPToK_gs&feature=related

There is only one way out of a wild goose chase and that is by continuous, unrelenting persistence. It is by constantly engaging in breakthrough thinking.  You have to work harder and smarter than you ever have had to do before by scooping in on areas that the others have somehow left neglected in their quest to disrupt and distract you from your objectives. The most concise way of putting this to you, is to say that they will lead you down a garden path, translation: it means that you need to avoid garden paths that are so lovely that anyone who is guided down them can easily be mislead and deceived since they are so attractive and distracting.

It can be a long stretch from strategy development to the implementation of your concepts.  Someone who wants to disrupt the status quo can easily exhaust your efforts. If you want to be the pioneer, you can expect to go it alone for a long time before you come upon fellow travelers who see the same mental picture that you do. 

Until those connections are securely formed, you will have only an inkling of what is really going on behind your back.  To plant the seeds of any new concept a person has to merely capture it, manage the idea properly, listen to what others are saying about it, and be willing to receive their opinions with an open mind. 

The knowledge required to push forth something new is a process that must be observed carefully and scrupulously before trying to execute one’s vision. For the most part, all endeavors have a period of pause, a time out before the next stage is visited. It is a vital period in which you will analyze a collection of reactions so that you can adequately respond in a way that is favorable to all your disbelievers.

If you allow the naysayers and the idea bandits to take your proposals before they have even been consummated into a workable plan then all their trickery is benign anyway.   Nonetheless, the best way to remain on course, and not be sent on a wild goose chase is to be prepared to be temporarily waylaid by the high jinks of those who think they have everything to gain by regularly sending you off in the wrong direction. 

 All oversights and deceptions from persons who distract us, are but lessons that if interpreted as such, can be very enlightening indeed! We live, and we learn, and we improve and move on until we find a way to bring to life our dreams. Fearlessness and steadfastness is the key to any successful pioneered effort.

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Conflicts are just a normal part of human nature; if not simply because we cannot always agree with one another, at least not all the time. There will be incidents when we will be forced to stand up and speak out for what we believe.  

It is never easy especially when we are not the one who has brought about the hostile conflict.  In situations where backing down is not an option, we still have some choices; we just have to get through it.

Confrontations can be dealt with a lot easier if we will view them in a whole new way by thinking of them differently in a manner that confirms that we have the ability to handle them. 

A Few of the Main Causes of Professional Conflict:

  • Rude commentary
  • Appalling actions
  • Questions regarding liability
  • Low-performance issues
  • Envy and jealousy
  • Indignation
  • Fabrications
  • Deliberate crazy making for the purpose of disruption
  • Overly critical critique of professional behavior  
  • Negative inferences
  • Lack of cooperation
  • Gossip and / or acts of hypocrisy
  •  Poor information transmission

Conflict Reversal Techniques to Put to Use:

  • Begin by behaving with respect toward one another
  • Tread lightly and be vigilant not to further antagonize
  • Ask questions to obtain accurate knowledge of the situation
  • Demonstrate an adaptive stance if possible
  • Disguise frustrations
  • Control hostile facial expressions  and body language
  • Avoid any impulsive actions or statements
  • Closely monitor swings in emotions – temper aggression by remaining centered and calm
  • Establish a consistent tone of voice
  • Refrain from using unintelligent language – don’t try to be the cleverest, wisest or the wittiest
  • Be ultra-sensitive to opponent’s vocabulary
  • Convey empathy for opponent
  • Be willing to strategize and problem solve
  • Don’t be self-serving see all the possibilities
  • Be prepared and willing to compromise

More on the Topic:

Three Ground Rules About Confrontations Worth Knowing

http://www.relationshipeconomics.net/blog/handling-confrontations/ 

Four MistakesTo Avoid When Handling Confronations at Work

http://www.workbloom.net/the-top-four-mistakes-in-handling-confrontations-at-work/

Handling Road Rage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1w8houcyFc 

How to Avoid Confrontation withYour Spouse

http://www.helium.com/items/1784424-how-to-avoid-confrontation-with-your-spouse

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