If you are anything like me, you have invested a lot in your relationships and sometimes you find that you do not get much nurturing in return. The majority of us seem to have at least one high-strung person in our lives, perhaps, this individual is a close friend, romantic interest or a close family member that tends to be self-centered and could be easily be defined as a “Crazy Maker.”
Crazy Makers are subtle and deceptive personality types who, more often than not:
- Encourage us to lower our standards
- Constantly question our every move
- Exploit our talents and skills whenever they can
- Dismiss our feelings
- Ask for our help when they need it
- Are always grieving over someone or something in their past
- Constantly crying out “Why Me?”
- Are bulldozers over others who are less assertive
- Manipulators of the truth
- Routinely shut down communication with us
- Are irritable a good majority of the time with everyone and everything
- Dissatisfied with their lives and everyone else’s
- Blame others for their misery
- Short-tempered and impatient
- Bottomless pits of unhappiness
- Chronic complainers
- Repetitive speakers
- Story changers and false alarmists
- Poor listeners
- Unwarranted doubters
- Keepers of secrets
- Lack faith in themselves and in us
- Persons with misguided emotions
- People who are ill-prepared for the normal sorrows of life
- Individuals who are at odds with someone, somewhere, most of the time
- People who pretend to please but who could care less about anyone else
- Are sly and somewhat sneaky
- Charismatic and phony – basically, workers of the room
At the end of the day, I suppose, we are all Crazy Makers in a manner of speaking, what is different is to what degree. We unload our problems on one another thoughtlessly, without warning or without thinking of how what we are saying might impact our listeners. Sooner or later people resent being talked at instead of being talked to. No one likes to feel as if they are nothing more than a sounding board for an overly emotional reactor.
We all need occasional backup when things get tough for us and turnabout needs to be fair play, but listening on the other end of the phone line in puzzlement, not knowing what it is that is expected from us, can cause more than a hint of frustration on our end. Crazy makers make us feel used and most often, ineffectual.
It’s not news to any of us that good friends make each other feel safe, and give one another a sense of refuge when they open their hearts and share their problems. When we feel as though, what is happening to us is of equal importance, then there is a natural ebb and flow of support.
Unfortunately, however, crazy makers want more than someone to lend them an ear; they come at us, at a fevered pitch, which consequently, inspires unwanted changes in our emotional posture. For Crazy Makers, timing is a non-essential factor; they think nothing of calling around our bedtime and going berserk while describing an unpleasant episode in their lives. You know what I mean; most of us have all had an urgent call at some time or another from someone, who prior to speaking to us, has become highly enraged. They start off calm but within a matter of seconds they are veering down the runway and their temper takes flight and before we can utter a single sigh; they are high-flying, screaming into the phone at us.
Crazy Makers peg us early on as soft touches; they are quite assured that we will be ultra-responsible, caring and empathetic to their “immediate” concerns. They take advantage of our kind nature in countless ways, but none as much as the way they take us for granted. The best way to protect ourselves from being abused is to speak out and say what are needs are, to create boundaries and make sure that we protect ourselves from being exploited. We cannot expect Crazy Makers to practice reasonableness. We must allow for emergency situations to come up now and again but not permit ourselves to be shortchanged by the one-sidedness of our relationships.