Defaulters are persons in our lives that issue streams of false promises, they are the unaccountable, the “Yes” people. The biggest problem in dealing with defaulters is that they come across as reliable when in actuality they are anything but that. Defaulters are energy drainers, they take up your time, get you to invest in their concerns and rarely, if ever reciprocate. They are easy enough to identify. They engage you in making plans with them that never seem to pan out. They set appointments and cancel, generally, at the last-minute or do not even call at all. And worse, when you call them on it, they pretend as if you somehow are confused about their part of the social bargain.
Defaulters are misleaders. They are in the most simplistic sense, people who want to feel as if they have it all together, but more often than not, they really don’t. They are individuals who are always looking for a better opportunity somewhere off on the horizon. In one aspect, they mean what they say, that is, at least in the moment when they are saying it, and in another instant, they are completely detached from the situation and acting as if they never said a word.
One must be careful not to buy into defaulters. Some of these folks can be downright self-serving and highly manipulative. They come with undisclosed agendas, and leave with whatever they can get. Never mind telling yourself that you can have it out with them and clear the air, once you have been stung in your dealings with them there is no turning back…defaulters are like bees in this way, they will sting if you corner them.
Defaulters can on some level be compared to passive aggressive personality types, in that their actions are not on the up and up. They hide behind a slew of excuses for their irresponsible behaviors, most of which do not hold water, the bottom line being that they think we are just not that important to them. Eventually, we grow tired of defaulters. We see through their false intentions and we know in our hearts they consider our relationships with them – very meaningless. They usually end up moving on to easier targets and again, repeat the cycle, over and over again, until they get found out.
Defaulters, however, do have one redeeming quality, they help us to see our own level of accountability and they remind us of how it feels to be let down. They are spiritual teachers of a sort, who pass on just another one of many life lessons about the imperfections of human beings. They are less than perfect people just like us and so, there is after all, a connection between us that is very evident, we all have a tendency to let people down and falter on our word.
The final conclusion I have come to is this, when we are not of our word, there is something missing inside of us that eventually trips us up. It is our inability to commit to what we say we will. There is a component of trust that needs to be reinforced not just to satisfy the faith that others need or would like to have from us, but that we ourselves require to turn inward for our own tenacity of spirit. Every time we let someone down, we silently tell ourselves that we are incapable of being there. Not showing up is always a serious issue, especially when we are the ones who are leaving ourselves in the lurch.