Archive for May, 2011

“Treat people as if they were what they thought they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” – Goethe


Some people consider kindness to be the greatest of all the virtues. When I think of the word kindness I immediately think of someone who is charitable. There are many ways we can be charitable, but none as important as kindness. In my mind the words kindness and concern are synonymous.

 Although, it  is often the case, kindness should not be interpreted as a sign of weakness. People who work at being pleasant and accommodating to the needs of those they come in contact with are not necessarily pushovers. They have learned to be respectful, using caution and being mindful when they encounter others.

Rarely, do we overhear a kind person being advised to mind his or her manners.  Kind people always put themselves in the other person’s place.  Their understanding of others is generally very profound. They are acutely perceptive about the mood and temperament of strangers and if at first, they are treated rudely, they take it under the chin, and guard against becoming defensive, unlike some individuals who believe in instant reciprocity.  

Socially, kind people are better prepared for rejection, just because someone is rude, they never dismiss them outright. Since they are seldom self-depreciating, if they are mistreated they think flexibly and look at the incident another way by giving the social offender the benefit of the doubt.  

Politeness is reflected in all of their conversations and social endeavors; they pride themselves on being unassuming and courteous. With only a few exceptions, persons who demonstrate kindness are usually low-key and strive to maintain social harmony and avoid the ill effects of conflict. 

Kindness is a very important aspect of humanity; it speaks of generosity and compassion. A lack of kindness can bring untold unhappiness to people who are in a place we may not be aware of both mentally and physically, a dark place where they are very vulnerable to our responses to them.

While doing some research for additional links on this topic I came across a foundation whose mission it is to inspire people to do random acts of kindness http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ their focus is to encourage people to make kindness an everyday occurrence in their lives and in doings so, to make us all aware of its positive effects in our society.  

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Gandhi “Random Acts of Kindness, 1994”

More on this Topic –

People Care – Take a Look


How Americans Can Support the Troops


What we can do in this world to evoke radical change and reduce conflict


How  One Nurse Showed Kindness


Slide Show – Kindness Revealed


Scene from the Movie Elephant Man – True Story


A tribute to Joseph Merrick – who was a human being


Utube Random Acts of Kindness


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The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem. -Rev. Aaron Kilbourn

The hero dead cannot expire: The dead still play their part. – Charles Sangster

I am prepared to sacrifice every so-called privilege I possess in order to have a few rights. – Inez Milholland, Suffragist 1909

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!  ~Maya Angelou

Better than honor and glory, history’s iron pen, the thought of duty done and the love of his fellow-men. ~Richard Watson Gilder

Bravery never goes out of fashion,” said author William Makepeace Thackeray

Freedom isn’t free.

Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a difference in the world, but the Marines don’t have that problem.  Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America

The only Easy day was Yesterday – U.S. Navy Seals

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

There is a price we must pay for freedom and our soldiers and their loved ones are paying it.

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 May 29th 2011

The Future of the Child is the Work of His Mother – Napoleon


Special Features of Mother’s day in France

Paintings and Books – Traditional Presents ( Le Table aux et les livres – des present traditionels)

  • Mother is allowed to relax
  • Mother is the center of attention
  • She is gifted with handmade cards, special poems, a bouquet of her favorite flowers
  • Some of her children give her cosmetics and presents like her favorite perfume
  • Or, an intimate dinner with her family is scheduled out of the home to celebrate the occasion
  • Pleasant conversations with her children transpire over glasses of wine
  • Mom is honored with the presentation of a cake, cheeses and / or succulent chocolates
  • She can receive champagne or a special wine that she favors
  • And, paintings or books are also traditional presents
  • Special parties are given for Maman
  • And, indoor and outdoor games played

A Mother’s Day Celebration 

Maman the Center of Attention

Cards for Mother’s Day (Carte De Fete des meres)

Gifts to be Opened  (Ouvrire Le Caudeau)

French Chocolates ( Le Chocolat Francaise)

More Sweet Treats  

Special Mother’s Day Cakes (Le Gateau Fete des meres)

Little Cakes (Les Petit Gateaux)

French Champagne (Le Champagne)

 Shopping for Pour Maman in Paris

Perfume (Parfum)

Flowers for Maman (Fleur pour Maman)

Garden Parties (Jardin des Fetes)

Mother’s Day in France


Mother’s Day Song in French


Mother’s Day At Le Crillion


At the Ritz Paris


French Chocolates


French Mother’s Day Poems


French Heart – Mother’s Day Quotes


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The whole idea of one-upmanship is to get a person to worry more about their self-image than their interests.  People engage in one-upmanship when they are afraid they are going to lose control. They feel that they do not have the knowledge the skills or the resources to hold their own.

How to recognize one-upmanship –

  • People act as if they are more important than you are
  • More knowledgeable
  • More confident

They Make You Feel –

  • Pushed around
  • Ignored
  • Controlled
  • Put down

What to do –

  • Pause, take a step back AND a couple of deep breaths
  • Regain emotional composure
  • Rise above the situation see it objectively
  • Ask – What is of true importance to me here?

When interests are at stake do this –

  • Evaluate how much time and emotional energy the situation is costing
  • Identify what you see the person doing
  • Explain how the behavior is affecting you
  • Make certain you clarify how it detracts from resolving the situation
  • Don’t engage in a power struggle
  • Encourage attackers to keep on attacking

Most importantly, remember to –

  • Be non-defensive
  • Refuse to participate
  • Reinterpret the attack on you as an attack on the problem
  • Make certain that the person understands you really want to solve the issue
  • Set new ground rules together

 More on This Topic –

Beaten Down Being the Victim of One-upmanship


Understanding one-upmanship


For People Who Like to Think for Themselves


Positive Office Politics – Rules of Engagement


Positive Politics at Work, D. Douglas McKenna / Jeffrey J. McHenry ISBN 1-55623-879-7

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 If things go wrong, don’t go with them.  ~Roger Babson, Quotations About Worry.

Worry is not a natural state of mind, concern maybe, but not worry.  Most of us are aware that worrisome events are a regular occurrence in life. None of us are given a pass to escape our problems; we all know that they come at us on a regular basis and that they happen to everyone. The difference between those of us who worry relentlessly about these things, and others who do not, is how we end up processing our individual challenges. Each of us approaches our concerns very differently.  None of us can escape the fallout from our trials and daily tribulations; however, how we go about enduring the inevitable mishaps we are confronted with, is purely optional. 

We worry when we are:

  • Overinvested
  • Underutilized
  • Unprepared
  • Undercompensated
  • Misunderstood
  • Mislead

When our funds are:

  • Low
  • Business is slow
  • When our money is held back
  • And, when our funds are Misappropriated

When we are in the dark about:

  • Where we are going
  • Where we have been
  • How we got to where we are
  • And, how we will get out

When our:

  • Goals seem impossible
  • Our lives appear momentarily tragic
  • thoughts are more negative than positive
  • And, when our lives our careening out of control

When we attempt:

  • To communicate with people with closed minds and hearts
  • To build bridges and nothing is ever cohesive
  • To Balance our compulsively busy lives
  • To mend fences
  • To heal our disappointments and sadness
  • And, when we continue to strive for absolute but impossible to reach perfectionism

Worry is all about “the what-if’s” in life. Albert Ellis the well-known psychologist author of Rational Emotive Therapy, reminded us to be careful not to make mountains out of molehills, in other words, not to focus on the things that we label stressful events and refine them as full-blown catastrophes.  Worry interferes with our natural inclination to be happy and optimistic.  It makes us overreact. If we let it, worry can rob us of the things that make us joyous and prevent us from reclaiming our bliss.

How to Know When we Have Moved beyond Worry

  • When we no longer focus on the attention of others
  • When we begin to feel as if we can share our feelings with those we can trust
  • When we discover that there is a commonality that exists and draws us all together
  • When we are willing to teach as well as learn
  • When we practice mutuality
  • When we educate ourselves about ourselves
  • When we allow ourselves to live in the moment
  • When we refuse to give into the strain of our burdens
  • And basically, when we decide not to turn our backs on our spirit

What Else We Can Look At When Eliminating Worry

Why we Worry


A Guide to Rational Living – psychologist Albert Ellis , a video – focusing on the three must’s


Shameless Happiness – How Albert Ellis Created REBT (the view that we take of the events that happen to us)


Slide Presentation – REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) Core Irrational Beliefs


Step-by-Step System to Stop Worry


E-How Health


 The Worrywart’s Companion – Learn about the practice of under reacting and a lot more!


Welcome to the Quote Garden


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There is no one who has ever escaped the word “No.”  From our earliest years as children, we have come to dread the horrid sound of the combination of these two letters uttered in unison “No.”  There are many ways to say no. There is the no-nonsense “No,” which is basically a flat-out no without an explanation to the highly contentious “NO” that always leads to a long drawn out discussion of “why not?”

And, then, there is the apologetic no, and the type of no that never really definitively comes out and spells No as in, “No way!” but merely, skirts around the issue at hand, until all the hope of turning it into a resounding YES, is thoroughly, exhausted.   

I can never figure out which is worse, the actual disappointment of hearing the word “No” outright, or having to listen to the precursors that come before the word, the excuses that seal the deal,  allowances such as:  “it’s just that,” “here’s why,” “I am just saying,” “Perhaps some other time.” I think, that if a person is going to refuse, rebuff, reject or nix, they should be clear about it and not beat around the bush and confuse, mislead and give the wrong impression that their delivery of a NO, could every somehow magically, through the powers of the Almighty, somehow or someway, be transformed into a “Yes.”

The word no, can be spoken quietly and respectfully, or it can be shouted out as if it were a bullet being shot out of a gun. For example, growing up, especially in my pre and my teenage years, it seemed as if I could not make it through a day without having to hear one of two sarcastic phrases “because I said “No, that’s why!”Or, as my dad would say, “Exactly, what part of no, don’t you understand?

The reason why it is so hard to say no is because we have had to hear it so many times before, when it has been hurled at us, not to mention, that more times than not, it becomes an open invitation to a long and lengthily, useless debate, primarily because we have already made up our minds that the answer is an irreversible “No.”  Another reason we do not like to say no is because, we just do not want to be responsible for someone else’s disappointment. 

Saying no, is never easy, chances are, we will suffer some form of repercussion if we chose to reject the notion that has been brought before us to rule on, for the simple reason that “no” has the potential to hurt, unless of course, it comes as a relief.  Yes, no can actually take the weight off a situation if we are already in compromising circumstances to begin with, when we hear it said to us.  On such occasions the word “No” evokes the opposite feeling, it can actually, come as a release and a reprieve, in fact, liberation of sorts.

So, how do we master the art of saying no?  The answer is not so hard to figure out; we sensitize ourselves by putting ourselves in the place of the person whose ideas or request we intend to turn down. We say the word “no” in a way that does the least bit of harm to the person’s ego.

And, most importantly, we ensure that there is no room for a misunderstanding that might make the individual think that there is still, some vague chance, that our decision could ever be overturned. In the end, the word no, is like and taxes, it is unavoidable!

Here is some additional information on the subject:

Relationship Advice –   How to Say no Without feeling Guilty


Twenty Ways to Say No


Five Strategies that Make it Easier to Say No


Educational Film on the subject of No – A Fun 1951 film on Moral Maturity


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Exercises that promote greater maturity and stronger self-parenting and personhood…

  • Pausing before participating in episodes of overindulgence
  • Maintaining neatness, respect order and embrace organization
  • Avoiding blanket assumptions
  • Control feelings of power-seeking
  • Celebrate artistic independence
  • Self-reward
  • Fight against double-standards
  • Assume responsibility
  • Accept unpleasantness if need be
  • Practice reflective listening
  • Value friendships
  • Analyze and discuss misunderstandings
  • Become more accepting
  • Create more efficient working and living environments
  • Relinquish resentment
  • Satisfy essential needs
  • Relate to the experiences of others
  • Be fearless, practice courage
  • Exhibit personal warmth
  • Live up to capabilities
  • Validate the achievements of others
  • Feed fundamental requirements  More Resources 

Transactional Analysis – Examination of “Parent, Child and Adult”


A Very Personal Look at the Inner Child


Article – Child Within


Blog – on Raising the Inner Child


Unresolved Childhood Abandonment –


Celebrate Your Inner Child


Mastering the Art of Self-Love


Clothe Your Inner Child


Protecting your inner child – Making Your Inner Child Your Partner


Video – Comfort and Soothe Your Anxiety Now – Re-parenting the Inner Child, A Gateway to all your Inner Emotions


Disney’s The Kid


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