Everyone wants to have the confidence that the people around them are individuals that they can rely on. No one wants to feel betrayed or made a fool of. We cannot depend on another person unless we know that they can be trusted.
But, what is it that makes one person more trustworthy than another? Why do we believe that some people are telling us the truth and others are not? What is it that makes us hold onto the hope that we will not be deceived again even when we have caught someone lying to us over and over?
According to the author of Why Do We Trust People A. G, Koepcke there are certain factors that include; security, consistent behavior, perception and persuasion http://askville.amazon.com/Trust-trust/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=1376852 .
There are four things that make us put our faith into another person:
- Reassurance – we believe that if we trust this person they will somehow provide us with a feeling of greater stability and assurance. That there is a possibility that what we give them they will, in kind, be given back to us
- Commonalities we can easily relate to a person because we share things in common and we see traces of ourselves in them (characteristics, mannerisms, mutual thinking).
- Rationale – we are influenced by our previous associations and by similarities relating to but not limited to our values (religious and professional associations) practices and principles.
It was the great writer Ralph Waldo Emerson http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson who once said and I quote “Our Distrust is Very expensive.” Sometimes it’s not the person we cannot trust but the greed that resides within them. People become untrustworthy for many reasons but none greater than fear of rejection. Coercion from others is a definite motivating force, just the basic needing and wanting to be accepted and liked intimidates many people into saying and doing things that are against their most basic beliefs.
How to Regain Trust Once it’s Lost –
- We have to be patient with ourselves and with those around us
- Be pragmatic and not expect more from people than we should
- Allow people the opportunity to prove that they are worthy of trust
- Work on accepting people unconditionally and recognizing that they will from time-to-time make errors because they are fully human
I think that one of the greatest challenges in life is to accept people for who they are and not who we want them to be. We are all so eager to see in other individuals a glimmer of connectedness that we forget just how complex a human being truly is. The need to trust others can be a trap if we are not careful. It can leave us desperate for truth and lonely when we cannot find it. Everyone has a different agenda and it is their quest for these things that drive them to do the worst thing imaginable and that is to betray the trust that they worked so hard to earn.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe
More on this Topic – Sage Advice From those Who Know
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How to Convince Someone to Trust You Again
What to do when You have been Deceived by Someone You are Dating Online
Developing Relationship Trust
Learning to Trust Again
Guarding Your Heart
Songs About Trust