Hello There,
Over the years I have learned that making assumptions about people can get me in trouble. For example: thinking that someone is more understanding than they are sets me up for disappointment. Or, believing a co-worker is more capable than he or she actually is gives me a false sense of security and leads to major letdowns when assignments end up being poorly performed. Questioning ourselves is sometimes good but questioning ourselves all the time is far from beneficial, in fact, just the opposite it is detrimental to our progress and our personal growth.
Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships including the one we have with ourselves. How we feel about ourselves, our freedom from self-doubt is what enables us to move forward and make decisions independently. Therefore, the act of constantly questioning our motives and our allegiances impacts our self-efficacy greatly. This is especially true when we judge our character and performance standards by the opinions of others on a regular basis.
Getting an opinion from an outsider is important on occasion because it allows us to step back and evaluate our words, actions or intentions. But, of equal importance is the ability to separate what another’s perception is from that of our own. The more we believe in ourselves and in our own assessments, the better we are able to distinguish between our own personal truth and those of our friends, colleagues and family members. This discernment is essential in making the decisions that are best for us – no matter what others think. When we place too much value on what another assumes we lose our own ability to be objective. How many times do we listen to someone else, follow their directions and later regret it, realizing that our rationale made no sense and worse, it wasn’t even our reasoning that led us down the rose covered path resulting in even greater difficulties afterward.
I, like many others, are one of these people who respect the title of “expert,” unfortunately, there are experts who do not deserve the distinction they have. Not all specialists are similar in their proficiency. When someone offers their two cents sometimes that is all it is worth. I have often wondered why I have considered the strategies of others so sacred over those of my own. In practically every instance, I believe I was behaving irresponsibly, to myself of course. We cannot expect others to do for us what we are not willing to do for ourselves.
Questions We Can Do Without Asking Ourselves:
• How can I get people to understand what I am saying as quickly as possible? After all, their time is so valuable they should not have to waste too much of it having to converse with me.
• Why am I not as unique as other people?
• Am I fulfilling the expectations of others enough?
• I hope my opinion was not offensive. I wonder if I should have kept my thoughts about my ethics and integrity to myself.
• Why am I so nice to people? I wonder if it would be better if I were more ruthless or selfish in my dealings with them.
• Why do I always show other people so much respect even when they are not deserving of it?
At the end of the day, what matters most, should be, would be and, still can be, our understanding of who we are and what we stand for and why. Let’s stop questioning ourselves and begin to ask ourselves the intrinsic questions that we know we have the answers to.
More Information –
Break the Course of Second Guessing Yourself
http://j.b5z.net/i/u/2055898/i/Second_Guessing.pdf
Questions that Help Produce Answers to the Mystery “Who Am I?”
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/334121
Questions We Should Ask Ourselves
http://webatlantis.org/2007/12/12/10-questions-you-should-ask-yourself/
Stop Second Guessing Yourself – 5 Ways to Feel More at Ease When Making Decisions
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-second-guessing-yourself-5-tips-to-feel-at-ease-with-decisions/
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