It’s only natural for people to make comparisons and, every one of course, has different perspectives about who is successful and who is not. People suffer from all kinds of personality dysfunctions but none as socially compromising as feeling as if they are better than someone else. Being judgmental and making certain that those we come in contact with are made aware that we think they are less than adequate by our insensitive remarks is plain cruel and unnecessary. People who suffer from superiority complexes and who must go out of their way to make others feel inferior often feel a compulsion to flaunt expensive material possessions, or they are obsessed with vanity and appearances in general. They express themselves as superior because underneath it all they lack feelings of adequacy.
Doing or saying things that put other people down to build ourselves up never really works. Making a distinction that forces others to want to apologize for their background, education, job or enterprise, friends or other interests ultimately, does little to compensate for feelings of inferiority. Nothing good ever comes at the expense of others.
If your career experience has been anything like mine, you have probably come across lots of people who have promoted your discouragement in an attempt to way lay you or to push you back. They create a whole host of defeating scenarios to keep us from taking the actions that are likely to result in the accomplishment of our goals. Thank goodness, as humans, each of us has within us an intrinsic inclination to keep growing, developing and learning. It is up to us how we choose to interpret these encounters regardless of their positive or negative intention of others – we can, and often do, control their effect on us.
An impressive number of so-called good people become downright nasty when they hear of someone else’s progressive plan for their advancement. It is the time when others feel most compromised even over the actual attainment phase of another person’s objectives, because they are not certain how successful the person they are listening to is going to be. As they listen to the details they unconsciously begin to feel inertia upon hearing of the proposed good fortune of another and, it is at this point that they start to feel desperate.
When people feel desperate they react rather than respond to comments. They quickly say and do things that are more likely to be impulsive and often out of character creating all kinds of imaginative barriers for the person who is sharing their vision with them. In professional situations where people are more inclined to feel competitive they tend to observe things to their own vantage and this dynamic is even more pronounced.
There are countermeasures we can take of course to soften the blow. Just knowing why helps us to overlook or partially dismiss the words and actions that others take to demoralize us. The best way, however, to defuse the criticism of others is to include the individual who feels compelled to put us down and, to find a way to show how the attainment of our goals will benefit this person as well. A good rule to remember is; that people always want to feel in control. If whatever we are doing is going to cost another person control (even if it’s only a perceived notion) they are going to oppose the situation and us, and, consequently, try to gain advantage by making us feel ashamed of ourselves or our ideas in one way or another.
Other Opinions on This and Other Related Topics –
Respect is a Gift worth Giving – by Jane Herman
How to Treat Others with Respect
Blog – My Friends Are Wealthy I am Not. Why Do I Feel Ashamed and Inadequate
How to Deal With Disrespect
How to Gain Back Lost Confidence
Never Forget Who You Are – Self-Esteem Video
Find Your True Beauty – “Who Am I?”