New friends are like brightly wrapped gifts, by just looking at the package we can never be sure if what is inside is going to be
a real treasure.
It is difficult to make new friendships but necessary if we want to avoid social isolation, especially if we are extraverted personality types. Inviting new people into our lives requires some serious social management if we want to circumvent connecting with the wrong types who are not in sync with our thoughts or our ideas about life.
No one wants to fail at their friendships because linking up with people takes time and energy and it is disheartening when our efforts are less than successful. The important thing to remember is that our friends are merely on loan to us, and that from time-to-time people change, and so do we.
How to recognize when friendships are badly out of balance; here are some patterns to be on the lookout for:
a major disconnection between the two of you
mismatched geography making it difficult to get together
your plagued by boredom and distraction when you are in his or her company
there is resentment on the part of either one of you
when you discover disloyalty
or insincerity
or there are changes in perceptions that you once shared
your friend demonstrates impatience with your schedule or with your life’s responsibilities
there is constant one-upmanship between the two of you
there are discrepancies in values
he or she utters anti-Semitic remarks
or racial smears
there are differences in your ideals
something inside of you tells you that there is something missing in the relationship
he or she constantly exaggerates
you are subjected to constant gossiping
you notice other forms of unethical and unacceptable behaviors
When Not to End a Friendship
- when the two of you engage in a heated debate or a highly spirited dialogue about something you both feel very passionate about but cannot agree on
- when one of your friends is undergoing life changes such as: moving in with a lover, undergoing a divorce or planning a marriage, or in the process of giving birth to a new baby
- when there are sharp discrepancies in your social classes
- when you discover personality traits that occasionally irritate you
- when the criticism that is being directed at you is constructive and not intended to hurt or humiliate you
Possible Candidates for Friendships
- neighbors
- facilitators of seminars or workshops
- coaches
- wardrobe or interior designers
- facialists
- yoga or exercise instructors
- concierge of local hotels or managers / owners of bed and breakfast establishments
- people you volunteer with
- friends of relatives or co-workers
- members of your faith-based communities
- community activists
- dentist or dental hygienists
- accountants
- lawyers
- boutique owners
- people you meet while your golfing, playing tennis or swimming
- Persons who attend the same sporting events
- People you meet at book signings or museums or art showings
- Individuals who you run into at local coffee shops or restaurants
Understanding our own feelings about the value of friendship is essential if we want to draw people to us that have the capacity to appreciate our inner nature and our special way of relating to others. We are all gifts to one another and at times, our presence in each other’s lives can be life changing, not to mention, in some instances, even life saving.
Timing off? The Ebb and Flow of Friendships
http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/blog/out-sync-friendships-matter-timing
When Friends walk Away
http://www.crystalinks.com/friendshipover.html
How to Make New Friends
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends
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